Letters to Isla Rae

Baby girl,

You are 5 Month's old today. Happy birthday sweet girl! My oh my how fast you are growing! You are changing so much every day...getting more hair, making new facial expressions, developing new rolls, having new interests.

You recently started giving squeezes and holding on to me. This is my new favorite! I love that you squeeze me back when I hold and love on you. It's like you are giving me a little baby hug. It's the sweetest feeling in the world. You are reaching for everything. Every time I open the refrigerator, you reach out and try to grab the ketchup bottle or anything you can get your tiny hands around. You love helping me brush my teeth. I have an electric toothbrush and you like how the vibrations feel on your hands. You look up at me in amazement. Pretty soon you will be getting your first tooth and brushing your own teeth!

You are still very vocal. You yell, scream and coo loudly. You love hearing your voice. You love jumping, riding in the ergo, watching Bella and playing with your cousins. You are a very smiley baby. I love seeing your big smile beam everyday when I pick you up. Lately, you've really started to enjoy bath time. You have more interest in your toys and splashing around in the water. I love it too because you smell so good when we are all done. Your skin is so soft and perfect.

You and daddy recently had a daddy/daughter day and you were on your best behavior! You were so good all day. It made me so happy to know that the two of you were spending special time together. Your daddy got you to sleep for all your naps in the ergo (he looked so good in it too!). I can tell already you are going to be a daddy's girl.

I'm still the only one that can get you to bed at night... you are very attached to your mommy and I don't mind a bit! I cannot believe how fast time flies and how quickly you are growing up. I love you to the moon and back.

Love,
Mommy

Learning to Let Go and Let God...

Where do you look for words of encouragement? Who do you turn to in times of need?

I know the first place I should always look is to God, but I don't always remember to do this. Even though I know deep down that He is the only one that can help me, console me and replenish me, I have the tendency to try to do it on my own first.

To start with, I usually keep it to myself. I try to deal with whatever the issue is alone... battling my thoughts on the inside, having an inner dialogue and letting my mood go south. Then, I'll take it to others... usually my mom, husband or sister-in-law. I'll vent about whatever is going on. I may even shed some tears and feel sorry for myself. They always share words of encouragement, but at the end of the day... they can't help what they can't control. So next, I'll come full circle back to myself, and remember that I am not in control either. Finally, once I give it all to Him, my stress is relieved, my problems are solved and my burdens are lifted.

I can think of several big and small times this has occurred in my life. The one that is the most memorable and installed the most Faith in my walk, was the gift of Isla.

In 2009, we were told by my doctor that it was highly unlikely that I would be able to have a baby of my own. The doctor told us that my chances were slim and that if we wanted the highest probability, we would need to start trying now.... as in the Spring of 2009. Well, there was just one major problem with this.... we were not ready, we were not married and we knew it was not God's plan for us to start trying. I felt beaten down, discouraged and sorry for myself... and Joel. I felt inadequate and angry. I went through all the emotions of loss and began to grieve for the baby the doctor said I would never have. I beat myself up for weeks. I was in a bad mood towards the ones I love. I let it eat at me until I fell apart. I cried to my mother, apologized to my husband and felt sorry for myself. Finally, I took it to God. I came full circle and admitted I had no control over the situation and only God could see me through this. Peace and contentment fell over me once I gave it to God. We went through several rounds of treatment for my health issues and had to make some big decisions. My doctor even recommended a hysterectomy. After much prayer, we decided against the hysterectomy, found a new doctor, tried to focus on our present life and tried not to worry about the future. We gave it to God.

Two years and a wedding later, we decided we would start trying and see what happens. This time, we went straight to God. We prayed for a baby, we prayed for contentment, we prayed for fulfillment and for His Will to be done. Well... three months later, to our utter shock, we learned a baby was on the way! Now we have our beautiful baby girl to remind us to always have faith.

Although I know time and time again, I should take it to God first, it's not always easy to give up my old habits and remember I am not in control. It's scary to admit you are not in control, especially if you are a control freak like me! But who I am, compared to Him. 

Lately, I try to stop and ask myself...do I want to "try" to take control of something I will ultimately be powerless against or do I want to let Him be in control and marvel at His plan? I always come to the same conclusion.... Give it to God. He is there waiting with open arms for me to present my problems and take away my burdens. Things won't always happen the way I want them to or in the time frame I think I need them to. Things happen in God's time, with His plan that will in the end be far better than anything I could have ever imagined.

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Trick or Treat?

Do you remember getting more treats or playing tricks on Halloween?

Some of my most vivid childhood memories involve Halloween. I remember my costumes thoroughly. Some of my most memorable costumes were homemade. One year I was bugs-bunny and chewed on a carrot all night. One year my brother and I were hobos/clowns and one year I was a cat.
We never had extravagant costumes, but my mother always did a great job pulling our costumes together on a little budget using things we already had. She would paint our faces and make sure we looked good... even sacrificing her own clothes for the cause. I remember the year we were hobos, I wore her sweatsuit and stuffed it with pillows. We always got bags and bags full of candy. (Treat!) It's funny...even to this day, I remember some of the treats I got and from which houses they came from. One of our closest neighbors never gave candy. She always gave us an apple, small can of Donald Duck orange juice and a Little Debbie's oatmeal cake.Trick?) Some of the elderly ladies in our church would make homemade candy. (Treat!) My great grandmother was one of these ladies. We always stopped at her house last. She would make homemade fudge. (Treat again!) It's unheard of for people to do that today...

While we always had plenty of treats...we had our fair share of tricks too. I remember our parents always letting us pick our top three pieces of candy out of our bags, then we would go to bed.  Little did we know, while we were sound asleep... mommy and daddy were pillaging our bags of treats and picking out their favorites too! (Trick!)

I also got tricked several times while trick or treating. One year someone was hiding under the steps of a house we were trick or treating at. As I walked up the steps, the man grabbed my ankle... to his surprise I quickly kicked back and kicked him in the face (accidentally of course). (Trick!) Another time I was trying to be brave and walk in to a haunted house. My cat tail got caught in the screen door while leaving and fight or flight kicked in. I ran out of the house and down the road. When my mom caught back up with me, I was so scared I didn't recognize her and punched her in the face. (Trick!) Yikes! I'm pretty sure we went home after that house.

Trick or treating was always so much fun for my brother and I. I remember being devastated when he decided he was "too old" to go anymore. I'm looking forward to Isla having plenty of cousins to go trick or treating with and hopefully a sibling or two one day. :)

My little mini-me: Teaching in ways that glorify God

Lately, Isla has been mimicking everything I do. If I smack my lips together, she smacks hers. If say "ohhh" she says it back. It got me thinking about all the things I do and say in my every day life. I started questioning myself... Would I want Isla to say that? Would I want Isla to do that?

I've really been trying to glorify God in everything I do lately. Remembering Him before I speak, Thanking Him constantly, Praising Him in All things and situations, Asking for Forgiveness, Giving myself to Him and His Will. I'm normally quick to react, but in order for me to glorify Him, I need to slow down and think about my reactions beforehand.

Isla is my little mini-me and I want her to always act in ways that glorify Him. I love teaching her new things and watching her copy me. I just need to remember as she gets older, she will be copying EVERYTHING I do. Which means, EVERYTHING I do needs to always be an act of grace.

Being a parent makes you reflect and look inward so much. I realize now that the things I do and my well being is not only a reflection of me, but a reflection of family, mothers and Christians. It's important to realize that being a mother or parent means that you are also a teacher and a leader to your children.

When I was growing up I used to always play like I was a teacher. I would line my stuffed animals up and teach class. I would mark their name on the board if they were too chatty (much like I was growing up) and give them homework assignments. While I didn't grow up to be a teacher in a classroom, I am a teacher every day, hour and minute of my life now with the one goal to teach and grow my children in a way that always glorifies God.

Mommy's little mini me.

Scripture for Isla: Mark 10:27

Bible verses to teach your children: Mark 10:27