The Good, The Hard & The Tomorrows

The Good:

• Waking up to my beautiful daughter's face snuggled tightly against my skin every morning
• Spending time just starring at her in awe of the miracle that she and every baby is. Trying to grasp the thought that we actually made this special little being that has changed our lives.
• Watching her develop and change each and every day... thicker hair, stronger grasp, different noises and little glimpses of her crooked smile. 
• Seeing Joel be so loving and compassionate to her every need. Knowing he is going to be the best daddy as his princess grows and develops into a young lady.
• Seeing family and friends light up when they meet her for the first time, hold her, kiss her and share stories about who she looks more like.
• Kissing her countless times with no resistance from her... in just a year or two I may have to bribe her for those kisses and hugs.
• Watching her sleep so peacefully. Wondering what she is dreaming of, what she will be when she grows up and thinking about how much I love every single inch of her.
• Late nights - sure for some people this falls into the "bad" or hard category, but those moments are irreplaceable to me. Consoling her, rocking her, singing to her and giving her the comfort of knowing her Momma will always be there for her. 
• The time I have now. I'm so thankful to be able to have this time to spend with her at this stage of her life and to be able to witness these priceless moments.
• The way she has changed me... I have never felt love like the love I feel for her. It is indescribable

The Hard:

• The first week it was hard to even let anyone else hold her... after laboring in love for 36+ hours, I just wanted to stare at her and feel her next to me for days. I wanted to be the only one taking care of her... and learning that I had to except help (and share her) was a hard realization 
• Taking time to take care of myself...after 36 hours of labor, 21 non-medicated and 4 hours of non-medicated pushing... I needed lots of R&R to get back on my feet, but taking the time to actually rest when she rests was hard for me. I had to learn to let some things go and this didn't exactly mesh well with my slight OCD cleaning nature. 
• Seeing her first tear shed from her right eye... it melted my heart and I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop her tears from flowing. Feeling so helpless is so hard for a parent. You want to take away all your child's pain and discomfort and it's even harder when they cannot communicate to tell you what hurts or what they need after you have tried everything... Hearing my baby cry out in pain and not being able to take it away is so hard!
• Struggling to find our rhythm nursing. Dealing with thrush, some days are good and some are challenging. The medication needed to cure her thrush has some pretty hard side effects for an 8lb baby.
• Getting her satisfied in her car seat, or as our friend Mike calls it, "the scream machine"... No one likes to be strapped tightly down, no wonder she cries.
• Thinking about the moments I may have to miss as life goes on and we have other obligations.
• Some people will think this one is crazy, but I even miss her being in my belly. Feeling those kicks, hiccups and rolls. I'm so glad she is finally here, but it's a strange feeling to not have her inside me any longer. I once felt her hiccups inside me, a sweet little rhythm inside my belly, and now I feel them as I hold her in my arms (multiple times a day).

The Tomorrows:

• I'm looking forward to seeing her smile her biggest smile yet.
• To hear her find her voice and her coos, ahhs and gagas get louder.
• To hear her first giggle and uncontrollable laugh. 
• To put her in my sling/ergo and feel her snuggled up to me while I'm hands free :)
• To see her roll over and cheer her on as she makes her first big move.
• To watch her tummy time turn into a crawl and her crawls turn into pulling up and those pull ups turn into her first steps.
• To hearing her first words...secretly hoping it's "momma"
• To teaching her to clap, walk, share, baby signs and much much more.

Oh and so so many more precious moments. I'm looking forward to all of Isla Rae's milestones, but taking in every day with her now while I can. I can certainly wait for her to grow up.... If I had it my way she would be itty bitty forever! :)

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